I’m a big fan of these.
There are a lot of people, books, and ideas that have captured my attention, help mold who I am, and shape my reality. My focus has shifted and evolved over time, depending on what’s going on at any particular stage in my life. But there are some common themes which ultimately involve my quest to understand what it means to live well. The people and writings below have made a huge impact on me over the past decade; they’re a window into my interests and influences. A peek into my personal library. Maybe some of these works resonate with you, too?
Books, people, people who have books
Lama Marut
Lama Marut was my guru. His writings and teachings helped me make practical changes for living a more authentic, contented life. I began attending one of his Middle Way spiritual centers in Cape Anne, MA, right as I was hitting the lowest low of my life. He always said, “Never let a good disaster go to waste,” and that’s what I did after reading his book A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life. His second book, Be Nobody, about the dangers of unchecked self-absorption and pleasures of losing yourself in something not about yourself, is as helpful as it was prescient (published as it was in 2014). If you can imagine the wisdom of the Dalai Lama, the sarcastic humor of Jack Nicholson, the teaching brilliance of Obi-Wan Kenobi, wrapped up in voice of Jeff Spicoli, that kinda comes close. Two months after my last retreat with him in 2019, the world lost one of its most humorous, authentic, and profoundly wise teachers of how to live a really good life.
Cal Newport, Parker Palmer, Susan Cain
Cal Newport is one of the clearest and strongest voices advocating for living a deep life unencumbered by the technological distractions and business practices that thwart how our brains function best. He’s no Luddite (though I love that he’s never had a social media account); he’s an MIT-trained computer science professor at Georgetown who understands brain functioning very well and accepts its limits so we can work better with it. His books (see reading list below) and podcasts on The Deep Life have really helped me unclutter my work and personal life.
Parker Palmer is a gift to humanity. We had to read The Courage to Teach for CEB teacher training and his poetic, profound writing on authenticity and wisdom spurred me to read more. A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life made a huge impression on me, particularly his articulation of Quaker listening circles, or Circles of Trust. I also loved Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation.
Susan Cain. Her seminal book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking was like a second coming out for me. I gained a much deeper understating (and acceptance) of myself as a result of reading this book. I was lucky enough to see her at a Harvard bookstore when she was promoting it, and she’s as brilliant, warm, and authentic in person as you’d expect from reading any of her works. Her other major book, Bittersweet, is a beautifully written work that expounds upon Inside Out’s exploration of why Joy needs Sadness.
Brain stuff
Focus, technology, and rest
My CEB training unlocked the floodgates of wanting to know more about how the brain works. Working with your emotions requires the ability to focus your attention on what’s going on around you, within you, in relation to other people. You can’t do any of that if you’re distracted or you’re not experiencing reality clearly. And so the first step in learning to anticipate, avoid, and/or control the destructive expression of your emotions is to first pay attention to signs and settings. It’s Mind Training. That’s what I think Buddhism is, at its essence—training your mind to be aware and being able to fully control what you put your mind’s attention to. I’ve read some fabulous books and articles that have not merely been interesting, but have led me to change the way I go about my daily life.
Reading list
The Cognition Crisis - an article by neuroscientist Adam Gazzaley that really started it all for me. He does such an excellent job outlining the scale of the problems caused by our increasing inability to focus. It led me to his excellent book to buttress my understanding of why brains don’t mix well with tech, The Distracted Mind: Ancient Brains in a High-Tech World.
Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again - Johann Hari pulls together so much fascinating and scary science and social science around attention thieves, written in a very engaging way.
Digital Minimalism and A World Without Email: Reimagining Work in an Age of Communication Overload - these two books by Cal Newport have helped me see more clearly the issues and impacts around technology use and why we’re all doing it all wrong. Digital Minimalism was also my first introduction to the Center for Humane Technology and its mission to loosen the snares of our attention economy.
Rest: Why You Get More Work Done When You Work Less - Alex Soojung-Kim Pang’s book about how hard the brain works at rest changed how I live my daily life and how I view sleep and mental spaciousness. Daniel Levitin’s Successful Aging also goes in depth about what happens when you sleep, which really helps in understanding why it’s probably the single most important thing you can do for your overall healthy functioning and longevity.
Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving - I can’t say enough about the impact this had on me in terms of refocusing my priorities, how I’ve created boundaries around my work and how I view work, and the worth of time (maybe not as you’d expect). Celeste Headlee published this, ironically, just before the pandemic broke out, and that’s when I bought it but didn’t fully dive in until I had more time to digest it. It couldn’t have arrived at a better time.
Eastern thought, non-duality, and physics
The Tao of Physics: An Exploration of the Parallels between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism - When I started studying Buddhism, I kept thinking of how related it was to physics, with its investigation of cause and effect and interdependence. Watching Oppenheimer sparked my curiosity anew, which has led me to want to learn more about quantum physics. Fritjof Capra’s incredible book explains for laypeople just how closely Eastern traditions and “the new physics” track with each other (something the Dalai Lama has often spoken of). This book just might alter your reality.
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know - Not a work on Buddhism or spirituality, but Adam Grant’s aim here is definitely about how to see things differently and, most importantly, why that’s so important. The more times I go around the sun, the more important I realize it is to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time and to think beyond dualism.
Building a better culture
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Litte Humans - It would be an understatement to call this a mere parenting book. Science reporter Michaeleen Doucleff and her daughter embed themselves into the families of three long-standing cultures who raise kids way better than ours does. These societies emphasize contributing to the whole alongside self-reliance (raising future adults instead of babies, as Michelle Obama quotes her mother), minimal and respectful communication, patience, and incredible emotional intelligence. I wish this book has been written before I had my own child, though it’s of great help even now in the teenage years. If we raised our kids and supported our families along the lines of these cultures, we might fend off the ills explained in the following book.
Our Own Worst Enemy: The Assault from Within on Modern Democracy - Tom Nichols gives, I think, the most right-on explanation of how our nation has arrived at this point in our civic and political dysfunction whereby we align ourselves and vote based seemingly on who hates the same people we hate. His argument: because we’ve largely met all our needs and desires, our unchecked narcissism and entitlement leads to our unhappiness and the decay of institutions whose purpose is to sustain communal wellbeing. Not a happy read, but an informative one. You need to fully understand problems before you can solve them.
Empowered Boundaries: Speaking Truth, Setting Boundaries, and Inspiring Social Change - Cristen Storm’s incredible book teaches what every person needs to know about. Thinking of boundaries as both what you do and don’t want was a new and powerful concept to me. I can’t say enough great things about this work.